Thursday, October 20, 2011
Teary eyed Reba?
I found myself getting a bit teary eyed tonight at the Reba concert. She's been a favorite of mine since her TV show started 10 years ago. Her theme song to the show is called "I'm A Survivor". And like the character Reba, I knew back then what it was like to have your husband leave you for another woman and working two jobs, and raising my baby daughter all alone in the world. So I identified with her character, though they did a good job of putting a comedic spin on such a hard subject. They gave me 10 years ago something to laugh about. Tonight, I sat and watched Reba sing with my arm around my not so little girl (her first concert) and thought "Wow!" God sure has taken me a long road and I am so blessed. I have the priveledge to be married to the most amazing man who loves me and loves my daughter as his own!" I love the song, but I no longer have to survive to get through life. How lucky am I ? I never thought I'd be here.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Shifting Sands
My life is like my feet standing on shifting sand. When everything you build is in upheaval, what do you hold onto?
I have watched others in the last several months make decisions for their lives that have such far reaching, deeply wounding consequences that have made me have weeks where it was hard to hold my head up or to even smile in a fake "I'm ok" manner. My heart breaks for the littlest victims of bad decisions yet I am powerless to stop any of it. Frankly, I am angry. Cause you see angry is what I do best. Call it my best survival mechanism. It holds me together until such a time as I can calm down enough to surrender it to God and actually give him a chance show me a better way. I find though that as I get older the more tired I get when people are dishonest to others when it all could and should have been avoided. Yes we ALL make MISTAKES. I openly say I am the first to screw up. I own my mistakes. I have been waiting for others decisions to dictate where my life was to go and I got tired of it. I am still convinced that if I work hard enough it would all come together by the sheer force of my will...but alas I still haven't learned that lesson before trying it my way first.
I want more of life that sand castles and receding tides. As a builder, I want that solid foundation that holds when the tidal waves come crashing in. Because I do know this, if you know who you are in God, and you are strong in Him, those hard times and friendship betrayals become less painful to bear that it would have then when you are doing it on your own. Trust in Jesus, better yet, find out who He says you are and believe it. Then the peace that passes understanding will be yours to carry you through.
I have watched others in the last several months make decisions for their lives that have such far reaching, deeply wounding consequences that have made me have weeks where it was hard to hold my head up or to even smile in a fake "I'm ok" manner. My heart breaks for the littlest victims of bad decisions yet I am powerless to stop any of it. Frankly, I am angry. Cause you see angry is what I do best. Call it my best survival mechanism. It holds me together until such a time as I can calm down enough to surrender it to God and actually give him a chance show me a better way. I find though that as I get older the more tired I get when people are dishonest to others when it all could and should have been avoided. Yes we ALL make MISTAKES. I openly say I am the first to screw up. I own my mistakes. I have been waiting for others decisions to dictate where my life was to go and I got tired of it. I am still convinced that if I work hard enough it would all come together by the sheer force of my will...but alas I still haven't learned that lesson before trying it my way first.
I want more of life that sand castles and receding tides. As a builder, I want that solid foundation that holds when the tidal waves come crashing in. Because I do know this, if you know who you are in God, and you are strong in Him, those hard times and friendship betrayals become less painful to bear that it would have then when you are doing it on your own. Trust in Jesus, better yet, find out who He says you are and believe it. Then the peace that passes understanding will be yours to carry you through.
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